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…finding grace to help in the time of need…

Archive for humor

Read the fine print!

easy-bake-oven

We weren’t surprised when Courtney asked her boyfriend, Aubrey, to get her an Easy Bake Oven for her 16th birthday.  Not in the least. 

The girl can’t cook Easy Mac.  As soon as the mico-fast cheese product and macaroni hit the market Courtney convinced me to waste my money on it.  One day I smelled something awful.  Kinda’ like burnt popcorn.  I asked the girls what it was.  Courtney had a sheepish grin on her face. 

She was feeling all ambitious and decided to cook up some Easy Mac.  So she put the noodles in the bowl.   And then put the bowl in the microwave and turned it on for the required time.  I’m no Alton Brown, but it would appear that she missed a step.  Something important.  Like the water.  It was right there on the box.  AND the cheese product envelope.  She did finally graduate to correctly microwave cooking Easy Mac.

Congratulations, Courtney.

So, like I said, we weren’t surprised.  When Aubrey’s mom, Michelle, asked if she “reallly” wanted and Easy Bake Oven, I assured her that yes, yes she did.  She, in fact, needed it.  And if Aubrey is going to even consider a remote possibility of a future with her, perhaps it would be in his best interest to get the oven.  And then later she could try more challenging things.  Like perhaps a microwave cookbook.

dsc002641 Here, she summons the aid of the toddler.  Smart move!  You just might be surprised, Court!

When she pulled out the tiny little accessories she had this look on her face:

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And uttered these words:  “HUH?  I’m not FIVE!”

Really Courtney?  Really?  Next time read the fine print.

AGES: 8 & Up

Sure, she’s up in age from 8.  But you just wouldn’t know it… 

Anticipation

Anticipation

Potholders?

Potholders?

Careful, Courtney!  Those are cooked with a lightbulb.

 

Cookies, I think?

Cookies, I think?

RUNNNNNN!

RUNNNNNN!

That’s it… runnn, Sophie!  RUN!

Courtney, don’t you worry.  I’ll write Hasbro and ask them to make an Easier Bake Oven.
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Fatherly Advice

 Sophie was hiding in the pantry.

Caught Ya!

Caught Ya!

Eating a sucker.

After I snapped the picture, I took it from her and reminded her that she is not allowed to get candy without asking.  But I think she knew that seeing as how she was hiding in the pantry while eating it.

“Sorrrry,” she said, and then held out her hand to get it back.  I told her I was going to throw it away because she wasn’t supposed to get it and Dad was cooking supper.

There was weeping and gnashing of teeth.  I shared the news of the sucker trauma with Joe.

His fatherly advice:

“Sophie, you don’t closet it, baby.”

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We didn’t sign up for this!

5131FOR ‘DESPERATELY SEEKING BLOG MAKEOVER…

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT POST…

God, in His infinite wisdom, gave us a daughter who thinks and acts much older than she is.

I’m still scratching my head.

 

Last week’s quotes:

“I’m embarrassing!”

Yes, yes you are.  Sometimes embarrassing.  Let’s work on that, kid.

After Sophie ran through my friend’s re-sale shop to bring me my mug of coffee that I didn’t ask for, a customer (of noted older age by Sophie) laughed  and said, “she must’ve known you needed your coffee, Mom.”  And then she laughed herself out of the store.

Sophie proceeded to take a drink of my cold brew.  I managed to retrieve it from her in between my own laughs.  And then she looked around the store and asked, “where’d the grandmaw go?”

After dragging her around all week to help out at the re-sale shop while the owner went through nearly two days of labor on her own (stay tuned for my upcoming post on the debut of baby Sean) and then dragging her with me to clean houses on Friday… we were both near breakdown.  I had a couple of mini-meltdowns before Sophie told me, “you hurt my feelings!”

“You hurt my feelings, too, Sophie, because you won’t listen to me!”  Pout, pout, pout.

“Oh, I’m soooorrry!”

Dagger to the heart.  Later in the car she repeated over and over, “it’s MY fault!”  Although I wasn’t sure what she was talking about I was certain that I needed to reassure her.

“NOOO, it’s NOT your fault, Sophie!”

“YESSS it is!  It’s MY fault!  I want MY fault.”

Oh.  Well, as long as she gets it back.  Not sure what she thinks her ‘fault’ is.

When she resumed this argument later, I told her it wasn’t her fault and she didn’t do anything.

“Yessss I did.”

“What did you d0?”

“Hit.”

“Who?”

“Grandmother.”

Grandmother?  Not Nana or Meeka?  Grandmother?  Not sure who she is.  Perhaps she is the “grandmaw” from the re-sale shop.  Don’t recall any hitting, though.

Last night while watching Miss America Sophie got a little puzzled at one of the final contestant’s talent.  “What’s she doing? What the heck?!”

I really didn’t think it was that bad.  When she had enough of beauty and semi-talent, she decided she’d go bug Courtney.  Joe and I resounded in unison, “NO!”  We waited.  Then Joe yelled back, “SOPHIE!  Come back in here!”  Nothing.  “SOPHIE!”  Then, the pitter patter of little feet coming towards our room.  She poked her head in and looked at Joe.

“Don’t scream at me.”

“Well, you listen to Daddy!”

“Don’t scream at me.  Again.”

Joe scooped her up and told her that she had to listen to him.  “Don’t make my sad,” she told him.

This morning when Courtney and I were kicking her out of Courtney’s room, she said, “Stop aggravating me!  Don’t aggravate me!”

After church, we couldn’t wait to eat and get Sophie down for a nap so that we could SLEEP!  Oh, the glorious thought of sleep.  After telling Sophie two or twenty times to pick up her Playdough, I got a bit flustered at her ignoring me or waving me off.  Joe firmly told her to pick up.  To which she replied,

“Stop stressing me out!”

Heavy sigh.

And finally, while Nana was bathing her, Sophie raised her arm and said, “I need to shave!”

Hey Courtney?  Thanks for pointing out how hairy she is!

Oh!  One more.  This morning I had Sophie dressed in a pink and brown dress with a brown sweater (WHY didn’t I take a picture?), a crocheted brown hat with pink Ostrich feathers and brown and pink Squeaky shoes.  After several, “she’s SOOO cute” and huge grins, Sophie looked up at me and asked,

“Is my pretty?”

Yes, yes you are!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rest up for the week.

To read about more “shocking Sophie sayings” go HERE.

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Desperately Seeking Blog Makeover

Blog needs facelift.

Blogger research reveals excellent resources available.

Blogger funds minimal.

Willing to trade great wisdom advice what-not-to-do’s on toddlers and teens for fabulous makeover.

Thoughts and suggestions welcome.

** DONATIONS HAVE STARTED PEOPLE!  PLEASE NOTE THE COMMENT SECTION AND DONNA AT THIRSTY’S COMMENT!

NOW I ASK, DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME THAT MUCH? OR IS THE READABILITY OF THE BLOG AS BAD AS I THINK IT IS?   😉

Deck Them Halls and Other Botched Christmas Carols

When I heard Sophie singing Christmas songs, my Christmas was merry and my holiday bright.

She began with, “it’s the most won-DER-ful time OFFFFF the YEAR!”  Then followed with, “Jingle bells, jingle bells, oh-be oh-be oh-be oh-be….”

But when Mom called to share my nephew, Jessie’s, rendition of Deck The Halls, I was certain “’tis the season to be jolly”.

Until her attempts to correct him in between laughter, he decked his halls as follows:

“Deck the halls with fallen jollies, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la….”

I think that beats the popular version of  “deck the halls with balls of holly”.

Don’t you just love botched Christmas carols?  I think one of the reasons I love Peanuts so much is that they capture the raw essence of children.

I love when Sally says, “deck them halls and all that stuff”.  I love that after much rehearsing, she still manages to replace her one word line of “HARK” as the Angel in the Christmas play with “hockey sticks“. 

And not that it’s a Christmas carol, but who doesn’t love when Peppermint Patty’s fears come true when she botches up “baaaaa” as the sheep in the play?  Wasn’t it enough that she was humiliated when Marcy was chosen to be Mary?  “Mary never wore glasses!”  First, she trips over her own feet while donning her sheep costume, and later manages to the stage to sound, “WOOF!  MEOW!  MOO!  Whatever…”

And I love Sally’s insistence that “Harold Angel” would enter the stage at the end of the play because “it’s right here in the script.”  Imagine Charlie Brown’s surprise when the doorbell rings and he finds Harold Angel has come to see Sally.

What about you?  I’d love to hear your stories of botched Christmas carols sung throughout your homes.  So leave a comment.  Make my New Year happy! 🙂

Happy New Year!

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Sweet Memories

Our trip to Fort Jackson was filled with sweet memories.  And bitter-sweet as well.  We left on Monday the week of Thanksgiving and spent the entire day on the road.  Our Google map calculated a total of 10 hours and 49 minutes for the trip.  We didn’t consider the hour we would be losing as we changed time zones.  We left my house around 7:00 a.m.  Multiple stops for eating, pottying and refueling… road construction, heavy traffic and rain in the outer Atlanta area… getting lost  a few “minor” direction challenges… entering a new time zone… and a sweet forever later… WE ARRIVED!  After 10:00 p.m.

Consider that I totally forgot to print the close-up maps for our destinations, that Poppy is a 70 year old diabetic and Sophie is only 2.  We were actually amazed how good Sophie was on the trip.  She managed a weak whine a few times after waking up from her naps.  “I want my bed!  We almost home?”  God’s grace was truly upon us.  She was such an angel—especially for such a long time in a carseat.  Since she’s been home… well, that’s another post. 

Poor Poppy drove most of the way there.  AND the way back.  When I finally took over, we were entering the outskirts of Atlanta.  That’s where the road work, heavy traffic AND rain challenged us.  It wasn’t long before I realized our next stop would include a driver swap.  Poppy said it took him two weeks to drive through Atlanta one day. 😉  You catch that?

Here’s a few shots of our travel time…

 
The "eyes" have it!

The "eyes" have it!

 
 
Sophie Sitter

Sophie Sitter

 
 
Mangadoodle--must have!

Mangadoodle--must have!

 
Poppy's Driving Skills

Poppy's Driving Skills

Sweet Zzzzzzs

Sweet Zzzzzzs

 

I’ll skip the WFMW post on travelling tips and just tell you the secret… a Magnadoodle!  For Sophie, anyway.  She can now recognize her name, draw a circle and somewhat of a smiley face.

If I could figure out how to send video clips from my cell, I would share Courtney’s new favorite past time while eating out.  “SOME” Poppy taught her how to shoot straw paper at a certain toddler.  EVERYWHERE we ate, we had stacks of straws and wads of straw paper decorating our tables.  The clip on my phone almost looks like a slow motion clip of Sophie being hit by heavy artillery.  What’s even funnier (YEA, it was funny!) is that Sophie kept apologizing after getting hit by the spitwads.  Got that on my cell clip as well.  If anybody can tell me how to send it to Alltel My Pics, I’d love to know.  I also have a sweet clip of the Poppy skipping as he leaves a rest area.  Guess he was feeling pretty rested.

A few other highlights include the discovery of Flippen, Georgia.  I don’t know about you, but that cracked us slap up.  It was on the way home, so we were probably a bit punch drunk.  I did my best Napoleon Dynamite-like impressions.  “Where are we now?  FLIPPEN Georgia! Just take the next Flippen exit.”  I know…lame.

We also discovered the importance of an atlas or at the very least, detailed in-city maps from Google.  Never, EVER Mapquest.  We came to the realization that one wrong turn is all it takes.  And you’re lost!  Completely, totally, without a doubt going-in-the-wrong-direction lost.  Those detailed maps helped Joe and me out a lot when we travelled to North Carolina December 2005 for my tubal-reversal.  Somehow I forgot.  And I even made a list and checked it twice before I left.  Guess more important things than maps made the top of the list.  SOMEbody sorta’ overpacked.  But that’s another post as well.  Let’s just say that if Joe would’ve been able to get off of work, we’d have strapped him to the top.  Or, uh, the luggage.  Yea, strapped the luggage to the top.  Kidding, honey! 😉

Well, that’s a bit of the start of journey…I’ll let you breathe a moment before I overwhelm you with more photos and details, details, details. 

Stay tuned…

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Where’d You Get YOUR Driving Skills—Cammie?

I’ll be picking on Cammie and her driving skills today.  Because that’s the kind of mom I am.  Picking on my daugher while she’s away at basic training.

Cammie planned to wash her car one day this past summer and wanted me to move mine and Joe’s Mountaineers out of the garage so that she could pull in and vacuume hers.  I told her to go ahead and move my car out.  The look on her face screamed, “ARE YOU SURE?  IT’S REALLLLLY A TIGHT SQUEEZE….”

I ignored that look.  Moments later, she came back inside with a different look.  A perplexed, yet guilty look.  I followed her outside.  First, she points to the metal stripping on the side of the garage that has peeled away and is flashing like a neon sign:  BEWARE OF TEEN DRIVERS!

With a questionable serious look on her face, she points to the long piece of stripped metal and asks, “was THIS like this?”

SERIOUSLY?  “Uh, no Cammie.”

But it gets better.  She then escorts me over to my Mountaineer that is now parked in the driveway and points to the driver’s side of the bumper which is now sporting scuff marks and a few scrapes.  She manages the same look as moments before, and asks, “was THIS like that?”

SERRRIOUSSSSLY?  “No, Cammie.  No.  THAT was NOT like that.”  I wasn’t sure what else to say after that.  I scratched my head and asked her if she “remembered” anything happening while she was backing out.  Clearly it was just too traumatic to recall.

She managed to buff some of the scuff marks off of the bumper while I pounded the metal strip back in place.  “Just wait a while and I’ll tell Joedaddy.  It’ll be fine,”  I reassured her.

A few small nails later, and you can barely tell the “accident in question” ever happened.

Funny thing, though… even after our clean up, Joe noticed rather quickly that “THAT was NOT like that before”.  Guess he’s more perceptive (Okay, I’m not sure that was the right choice of words!  But I think you get the point…it was a bit late when I posted this.  SOMEBODY had to go and do a blog scavenger hunt that kept me up hunting realllly late…. Go check out Shannon at rocksinmydryer.  Sorry…no link…I’m tired!  Told you I was up hunting…)  than Cammie.  After all, she did have to point it all out to me. 😉

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