Insert Grace Here…

…finding grace to help in the time of need…

Mean Mom In Need Of Mercy

This blog post is not going according to my original plan.  My thought was to patiently wait for divine wisdom and revelation from on High, then post insightful details.

After several days of recouping from strep throat (YUK) and adjusting to summer’s schedule (or lack thereof) I’ve come to the end of myself.  But that’s not such a bad place to be, really.  It’s usually there that I finally surrender my plans and endless to-do list, throw a tantrum (or 20), sit and sulk a while, and turn my eyes to the One who orders my steps and directs my paths.

Lisa at http://thepreachers-wife.blogspot.com/ just posted a blog closely akin to my current state of mind.  For such a lonnnnnggg time, I was very much a schedule routine person.  I say routine- I suppose- because I really did not think of myself as a strict schedule-crazy person.  Throughout the years, as my two oldest daughters were growing up I kept children in my home on and off.  I was a Nanny.  Not a “Nanny” in the caretaker of a few well-off kids sort of way.  Pretty much an in-home sitter.  They just called me Nanny.  My neices and nephews call me Nanny.  Come to think of it, my sister, Ginger, often calls me Nanny.  I think being a “Nanny” was more than just a job, it’s pretty much part of who I am.  But being home most weekdays with a “routine” weekly schedule allowed for more “routine” in those days.  As my About Me page says, I do find cleaning my house therapeutic.  Well….most of the time.  I like my house to stay in order.  But things have changed.

Now there is a toddler in the mix.  Since she arrived I have not gone back to being a Nanny.  Now…well, I’m not quite sure what I am!?  I may just be having an identity crisis.  I suppose I’m a part-time SAHM.  I want to write.  I clean a few houses which pretty much takes place on Fridays.  I help on occasion at a friend’s re-sale shop for children… which will hopefully take on a change from sporadic days (with Sophie- mind you) to Mondays when the store is closed to catch up on inventory (hopefully without Sophie).  Sometimes I bring Sophie with me to clean a house.  Sometimes I happen to have Cammie (rarely now that she is working full time) or Courtney (probably even more rare now that summer has begun and volleyball practice and volleyball games and driver’s ed…and help me…please…somebody) or my mom keep her.  Come to think of it…I think she’s do a sleepover at Nana and Popppy’s house.

It seems for quite a while now I’ve accepted the crazy sporadic routine of a life I’ve had.  Oh, I’ve had crash days, but I suppose I’ve tried to learn to roll with the punches.  And now…summer is here.  And for some reason I seem to have thought that this was the time for me to get my act together, prioritize, work on the routine.  Having a routine is important.  As I said earlier, I never have thought of myself as a schedule person.  I agree with Lisa, we should not schedule our entire lives completely around our children lest they expect the rest of the world to do so.  But routine… I mean, brush your teeth daily (several times), FLOSS (fyi:  I am a floss addict…really, can’t help myself…floss every time I brush), bathe (ahem…kidding, kidding, Preacher’s wife….adults are allowed “skip days”, too), eat (you know, regularly) and of course there’s discipline in your walk with Christ.  I think I seem to have tried to adapt my prayer life to my “life”.  This could be the real problem.

God doesn’t want our leftovers.  He wants our first fruits.  (This is where I feel the sting from the profound, divine wisdom and revelation.)  Had I focused more time and energy on HIM, perhaps I would not be frustrated with trying to force everything to line up the way I think it should.  Maybe I wouldn’t be so hard on myself for not working a little more consistently with Sophie on the potty training….a day here or there in panties at home for a while in an effort to progress could be considered a victory rather than terribly inconsistent parenting.  Yea, yea…ease up, I know.

Summer can be hectic.  It’s a complete change (extreme even) from the way things have pretty much gone the past nine months.  But it’s also a time to relax, take things a bit slower, sleep in…  It’s not, however, a time to vacation from the Lord.  If I give Him first place, He is there all along to help me prioritize, strike a balance.  Balance, temperance, is something I am having difficulty with.  But in my weakness, His strength is made perfect.

Seeking Him early for grace tends to mean the need for less mercy at the end of the day.  Tonight….I’m in need of lots of mercy.  I’ll try and remember that when dealing with resistant teens and a sassy toddler….speaking of which…after several attempts to get her to go potty before bedtime (which has yet to have happened- betime, that is….oh well, it’s SUMMER! 😉 ), I very sternly hollered told her to “get in there right now” (which, I will ramble on to add is one of her favorite new phrases, “RIGHT NOW”).  I plopped her little hiney on the potty and she said very calmly,”Mean.”  Before I could even begin with a scolding she then says, “ha ha a booboo!”  That would be her very favorite new phrase all thanks to Courtney!  I think it was right here…at the kids’ attempt to overthrow Mom’s authority that I realized that the more I tried to control everything, the more out of control things got….and the more out of control I got.

I’m running….to the mercy seat!

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

 

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4 Comments»

  familyfirstalways wrote @

I am right there with you. Two pre-teen boys and a two month old boy. I always have the best intentions going into the summer and I am quickly reminded to turn my life and need for control back over to the Lord. I love what you said about seeking Him early for grace. Sure beats starting your day with a to-do list on your mind.

  Lisa @ The Preacher’s Wife wrote @

I am amening from the first sentence to especially the last.

Mercy on us all, Rena!

  Bluestocking wrote @

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Your design is interesting.

I used to have a thing about trying to control things around me. It would blow up quite spectacularly. I prayed about it. I came to realize it was selfishness on my part. It was hard for me to let go.

  Laura wrote @

I have a Mercy you could borrow, but it wouldn’t help with your mean mom problem…sorry!

Love, LA


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